Right Here
by mirrorOfsin
Summary: Barbara Havers/Tommy Lynley. Set after Known Thine Enemy. Tommy and Barbara argue and this leads to several different consequences both good and bad. COMPLETE. Reviews please! x
1. Prologue

Prologue: Right Here

_No I never cry, no I never, not me not I_

She drew in deep, shaky breaths and with her hands she covered her face. Hot tears splashed onto her palms and she tried to choke the sounds of her crying, even though there was no one there. She sat hunched up in the toilet cubical and squeezed her eyes shut.

You're a mess Barbara, she told herself silently in her head. Now you can't even take a couple of harsh words thrown at you! What is wrong with you girl? When did you become so soft?

But he didn't have to make it personal did he? Another voice echoed in her head. He didn't need to make you seem like an utter fool in front of everyone. He didn't need to hurt you.

Barbara let out a sob and one hand covered her crying eyes, the other wrapped around her waist. The action of self comfort. When her tears subsided she rested her head against the cubical wall and took in a breath and gently exhaled. She closed her eyes and just sat there.

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A/N: comment please! update soon x


	2. Breaking Point

Chapter 1: Breaking Point

'_Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break'_

**1 hour earlier**

Barbara half-ran down the corridor and only hoped that the briefing hadn't started yet. She was late again, only by ten minutes but still late. It wasn't her fault that there was an accident on the road! Pushing open the last of the double doors her heart sank as the there was no one there. She walked hurriedly to the briefing room and tried to slip in quietly. Unfortunately she tripped and stumbled over someone's foot and nearly fell flat on her face.

"Havers, you come in late the least you could do is be silent about it," Tommy Lynley's voice suddenly cut through.

Barbara composed herself and faced him. "I'm sorry sir I didn't mean to-"

"Do you not own a watch?"

"I… there was an accident on the road I got held up," she tried to explain.

"Then you should come earlier," he retorted and Barbara's mouth fell open and he didn't wait for her to say anything but carried on.

"Now that Sergeant Havers has decided to join us finally," he glanced at her. "I suggest we get back to the important subject at hand."

Barbara's face was aflame from the remark and she sat at the back. Winston looked over and her and gave her a sympathetic look. She bowed her head; there was a tension in the room that made it hard for her to breathe. Barbara listened to Tommy and made the occasional note. Then he said something that Barbara had to disagree with.

"But sir surely murderer knows that we are working on the case, wouldn't that provoke him or her?"

Tommy gave her a hard look and then in a sarcastic voice said, "Well do you have any other bright ideas Sergeant?"

"I…well no but-"

"Didn't think so, so let's move on," he turned his back on her and suddenly Barbara felt like crying. He was in a mood, she could tell that when she first walked in, but there was no reason for him to take it out on her! She was beginning to get rather sick of being the object for him to vent his anger on. At first she accepted that it was because of Helen…but now after eight months? Little things would blow up into full scale arguments that would leave both of them in foul moods and with the sense of regret.

When Tommy let them go he called her back when she was at the door. Winston gave her a fleeting look then, when Tommy raised his eyebrow, he walked away to his desk. Barbara took a deep breath and walked back to him.

"Next time Sergeant if you wish to make a contribution make sure you have a good enough argument and point before you question me," Tommy's tone was hard and it made her temper react instantly.

"I'm sorry _sir _but I just don't think that's the way to go about it," her eyes glared daggers.

"You are not in the position to tell me how to do my job."

"And you are not in the position to take your anger out on me!" she seethed. Their voices had risen and people were now looking at them.

"I'm not," he protested.

"You bloody well are! I _know_ I was late and I _know_ I caused a disruption but you're comments weren't needed! I have not done anything and yet you blame me!" Barbara shouted angrily back.

"I do not blame you!"

"Yes you do!" Barbara cried and felt the threat of tears again prick her eyes. "You always take it out on me! You always make it that somehow it's my fault! And you always choose someone else's opinion over mine now!"

Tommy couldn't say anything; the look of hurt and the tears in her eyes was killing him suddenly.

"Barbara…"

"No! I've become so sick of it all!" and with tears nearly all but falling she turned on her heel and stormed out, running to the safety of the ladies bathroom.

Tommy turned his back to everyone, closed his eyes briefly and the image of Barbara's tearful eyes hurt him. Goddamnit! He banged his fist against the table then went to his office where he slammed the door shut and sank into his chair behind his desk and tried to put his thoughts off Barbara Havers.

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A/N: oh so what do you think so far? Review and tell me please!x


	3. For the Best

Chapter 2: For the Best

'_Together doesn't feel right at all, together we built a wall'_

**Back in the present**

She sniffed once, wiped her eyes with some toilet paper then sat back again. She'd been in there for nearly half an hour or more and was hiding. She didn't want to face Tommy or anyone in case anything was said. She was startled when she heard the bathroom door open with a small swishing sound and she sat very quietly, not wanting anyone to know she was there.

"Umm Barbara Havers?" a female voice called out. "Winston says he knows you're in there and I guess he wants you to come out."

Barbara debated whether or not to speak out then when she heard the woman sigh she said, "What does he want?"

"Um I don't know he just asked me to come in here to find you… shall I tell him you're coming out?"

Barbara bit her bottom lip then replied, "Okay tell him five minutes."

"Sure," she said then Barbara waited to hear her retreating footsteps before she ventured out of her hiding place. Barbara made her way to the sink, braced herself over the sides and breathed in before running her hands under the cold water. She splashed water on her face to refresh herself and wash away the tear tracks. She peered at her reflection and was a little happy to see that her eyes weren't as puffy and red as she thought. Bracing herself she breathed out then walked out seeing Winston leaning against the wall to her right with a cup of coffee in his hands.

"Hey," he said then handed her the cup. "Got you this."

"Thanks," Barbara muttered taking it in her hands.

"You've been there for over half an hour," he pointed out.

"I know."

"Look Barb you can talk to me," Winston said looking at her sincerely.

She lowered her head, "I know Winnie, I just needed to be alone."

He nodded in agreement. "That was some argument."

"Yeah," Barbara said lowly. "Guess everyone heard?"

"Mmm most did and you know most of us agree that the DI has been rather hard on you lately."

She shook her heard slowly, "What can I do? I can't work with him anymore. We just argue and it's not good for the whole team either to hear us bicker like children."

"You are a good team though."

"We were a good team," she corrected. "I think I'm going to ask to be taken off the case."

Winston started at her. "You can't do that!"

"I have to; I can't work with him anymore."

"But Barb!"

"I've thought about it a lot in there," she sighed. "You could take over and I'd do something else."

"Are you sure about all this?" Winston eyed her carefully and Barbara avoided his gaze.

"Yes and I'm sure it will make him much happier," she added bitterly.

"Somehow I don't think it will," she looked up at him surprised but Winston carried on. "But if that's how you feel then we should go and get it sorted."

"Thanks Winnie," Barbara gave him a tight smile.

"It's nothing Barbara," he said and gave her a quick hug to her surprise again. Barbara took a sip of the luke-warm coffee and was silent. This was for the best for the both of them.

XxX

Tommy looked up when Winston reappeared in his office and frowned as he handed him the case file.

"Where's Havers?"

"She's off sir."

"Off where?" Tommy snapped.

"Off the case sir, she requested to be taken off," Winston told him. Tommy stood up suddenly behind his desk, "What? And she didn't ask me?"

"I'm sorry sir but she didn't really want to discuss anything with you," Winston said lightly referring to the argument.

"She can't just do that without consulting me!"

"I'm afraid sir she already has. Barbara asked for me to take her place instead."

Tommy ran his fingers through his hair. "I have to speak with her," he said almost to himself then said to Winston. "Go and tell her I want to see her in my office now."

Winston, not wanting to argue with what was clearly an order, left. Tommy sat back down and passed his hand over his face and waited. Two minutes later he heard her knock twice then enter. She came and stood right in front of his desk and waited her face blank of any expression.

"Winston has just told me you are off the case," he started.

"That's right sir," she said shortly.

"And you didn't consult me on this before?" he demanded.

"No sir as it is my decision."

Tommy felt his temper rise again, her short emotionless answers where agonising. "It is a decision that affects the whole team."

"Winston is taking my place so there is no shortage of people," she looked at him coolly.

Damnit Barbara, he shouted in his head, react don't just stand there indifferent.

"Why did you come off it?" he asked.

She looked him in the eye. "I couldn't work with you anymore sir."

"What?"

She took a breath. "I can't handle you and me arguing anymore and it is best for the both of us."

Tommy was shocked and blinked a couple of times. "'Best for the both of us'," he echoed.

"Yes it is," Barbara looked away and they were awkward for a minute.

"So you think I'm difficult to work with?" he asked finally.

She looked at him before replying, "At the moment yes."

"Rather rich coming from you don't you think?" he said before he thought and saw then a reaction in her eyes.

"At least I don't blame someone for the hell of it," she snapped back.

"And at least I don't run and hide when things get difficult."

"No," Barbara said coldly. "You just drink and resort to making everyone around you miserable just because you aren't happy."

"So I make you miserable?"

"Yes, you bloody well do!"

"Well I'm sorry that I can't be happy about the fact my _wife_ was shot dead eight months ago!" he shouted making her bristle.

"I didn't mean that! God you just twist my words all the time! I know how hard it is for you but you never have once thought of how this is affecting me! I've tried being there for you and you don't notice or just push me away," Barbara was on the verge of tears again but they were more angry than hurt this time.

"Because it's all about you."

Her mouth dropped open, "How I ever thought you were my closest friend I have no idea. I can't believe I even _cared_ about you!"

Then she turned around, yanked open his door and slammed it shut again, leaving Tommy stunned, angry and wounded. Barbara hurried down the corridor, went to her desk and picked up her coat and bag. She called to Winston that she was going home with a terrible headache then left as quickly as possible. She wanted to be completely alone and without any interruptions this time when she vented her tears, anger and frustration.

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A/N: So thoughts now? Review please!! Oh and to watch my new L/H video is: the normally youtube beginning then add that bit: watch?vcCDl-3XgXVM


	4. A Distance There Is

Chapter 3: A Distance There Is

"_All the beautiful moments shared deliberately pushed aside"_

**Evening**

"_How I ever thought you were my closest friend I have no idea."_

Tommy drank back other gulp of whiskey and tried to stop the words ringing in his ears.

"_I can't believe I even _cared_ about you!"_

His fingers ran through his hair as his mind replayed that sentence again and again. What did she mean? Did she mean in like a friendship care or something more? Oh come on Tommy this is Barbara Havers you're talking about! His mind reminded sharply, remember she saw right through you and you're charm.

"Too right," he mumbled and slouched back in his chair. He hadn't totally relapsed into his depressive drinking; only four glasses and he felt it was more than enough. He wasn't going back down that dark road again.

"See Barbara I'm not drinking myself to death," he said. "This is the first time I've drunk this much alcohol in five weeks!"

There was a silence before he muttered an oath and poured out one last glass. "To hell with it all," he toasted and drunk it down in one go.

xOxOx

She sat staring blankly at her laptop screen seeing nothing, her mind wandering elsewhere. It had been three days since she had been taken off the case and she was missing it sorely. It had crossed her mind that she might have been a bit too hasty but then he had left her no choice. She missed the action, discussing all the possible suspects and motives for murder. More than anything she missed his company. Being off the case she was assigned with dealing with the lower crimes and found that the whole process of filling out forms after forms was very lonely.

It's not forever Barb, she told herself in comfort, just until things die down and become normal again. Which she only hoped was soon. Not wanting her to feel completely uninvolved, Winston told her what was going on privately and Barbara felt it was impossible not to offer a few suggestions. She thought back to what Winston had told her earlier that day…

"Hey," Winston said plonking himself down by her desk.

"Hey what are you doing here?" she asked looking up from the file she was flicking through.

"Oh the DI has gone to question a potential suspect."

"Why aren't you with him?" Barbara frowned leaning back.

Winston shrugged, "He tends to do that on his own. We're not really partners in this."

"Oh," Barbara said. Most of the time both she and Tommy would have gone to question a potential subject. He mainly took her with him because she was good at reading people and figuring out when they were lying.

"Yeah he doesn't work the same way as he worked with you," Winston added seeing that he had caught her attention.

"Better or worse?" she asked lightly in the same tone as one would ask the weather in. Winston wasn't fooled.

"Worse I think. Think he misses having a partner."

"Mmm," Barbara looked back down at the file and just to do something she leafed through the sheets of paper.

"I think - I know - he misses you."

Barbara's head turned in surprise at the blunt statement. "What makes you say that?"

"Come on Barb, you know that together you two are the best crime solving detectives. You're partnership makes it so."

"Well that was in the past," she said darkly.

"Doesn't have to be."

She looked away then said, "I'll come back once this case is done. But I doubt he'll work with me again."

Winston sighed heavily, "I think he'd jump at the chance."

"I-"

"Winston," Tommy Lynley's voice cut in as he strode in suddenly his eyes looking down at some papers. "I need you to look up…" he glanced up and saw Barbara. "Oh."

Winston got to his feet, "Yes sir?"

"These documents," Tommy said distractedly watching Barbara like he found himself doing often now.

"Havers," he greeted her with a tone he hoped was cool and indifferent.

"Sir," she replied lowly avoiding his gaze. All three of them shared a pregnant pause before Winston cleared his throat and Tommy turned his attentions on the man.

"Yes here, if anything comes up that is useful make a note and send it to me," Tommy instructed then turned back to Barbara who was awkwardly tugging on her jumper sleeve. "Bye Havers."

"Bye sir," she muttered and he slowly, painfully, walked away from her. Barbara didn't dare watch him leave but closed her eyes and waited till she couldn't hear his footfalls. It hurt the way they were treating each other like distant acquaintances rather than the close friends that they were or had been. When she opened her eyes she saw Winston watching her curiously.

"I should get back to these," Barbara said opening the file on her desk deliberately. Winston got the hint and with a smile and farewell he went to his own desk and got to work with what Barbara should have been doing…

Barbara shut down the laptop and made her way up to bed where she lay for an hour just tossing and turning. She had been having very poor sleep for the past three nights and once had to resort to sleeping pills.

"Argh!" Barbara flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling. "This is bloody stupid!"

But no matter how stupid it was she couldn't stop thinking about him and this angered her. She doubted he thought of her this much and why should she feel guilty? She hadn't ultimately started it so why did she feel so bad? With a final attempt she turned onto her stomach, burrowed her face into her pillow and squeezed her eyes shut, praying that sleep would come.

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A/N: Thank you to all the lovely reviews and now that I have LOTS of time on my hands I will be updating faster!


	5. It's Over

Chapter 4: It's Over

"_It's over and I feel so alone this is a sadness I've never known"_

Barbara looked over the notes Winston had given her again and still couldn't think of what they were over-looking. There was an important link that they were missing but she couldn't figure it out. Winston approached her and set down a cup of coffee.

"Any luck?" he asked settling down opposite her.

"I can't think of what you are missing," she said snagging her bottom lip between her teeth. "It's so frustrating! One little thing that will solve the whole crime."

Winston said nothing just thought. Although Barbara wasn't on the case he had come to her for help or any thoughts she might have. He put forward her suggestions as his own so Lynley didn't discover that Barbara was helping with it. They were at her desk discussing it knowing that Lynley was out for the morning doing something that no one knew. He just took off and everyone merely had to wait to when he next turned up. Occasionally he'd call in to say what he was up to. Today there was no phone call.

"Something just doesn't add up," Barbara said. "The murders are all linked yet what is the link, other than the way they were murdered?"

Winston sighed. "That's what the DI wants to know."

"It's something so small that we must have over-looked it," Barbara chewed her lip. "I can't get my head around it-"

"Around what?" a voice said suddenly and Barbara jumped nearly out of her skin. Winston looked just as shocked to find Tommy Lynley standing near them arms crossed over his chest.

"Um…" Tommy strolled over and before Barbara could cover up the notes he picked them up and read them. He made no reaction other than lowering them stiffly back down.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"I'm sorry sir," Winston said getting to his feet. "I was just asking Sergeant Havers for-"

"Help on a case that's not hers?" Tommy finished off. "My office now."

"Sir," Barbara stood up too. "Winston was only asking my opinion."

Tommy turned on her. "You gave up the opportunity to make an opinion on this case when you walked out."

"I don't believe it; you can't be holding that against me. It's not illegal for me to help out."

"No but I do not what you anywhere near this case," he looked at Winston. "Where all those suggestions you put forward hers?"

Winston looked torn. "I'm sorry sir I though Barbara could help."

"I don't see what your problem is," Barbara added.

"I always seem to have a problem don't I?" he snapped.

"Well at the moment you do," Barbara replied defensively. "You need help on this case."

"Not from you."

Tommy started to walk away back to his office but Barbara followed him. "Why? Is it because you know I could help you solve it?"

"You have no business with it."

"I can make it my business."

"I am in charge of the investigation and only I can say who can work on it."

"Fine then, waste time and have more innocent people murdered!"

Tommy glared at her. "You are off the case; I don't need your help."

"You didn't mind when Winston wasn't on the case last time and he helped out," she reminded him bitterly.

"That was different."

"Why are you so against me?" she cried. "What have I done?"

He bristled. "Nothing and I am not against you."

"Then why am I so different that I can't help?"

"You walked out on the case."

"I thought you didn't hold grudges," she accused.

"I don't."

"You obviously do. You know when ever you wanted Helen to help on a case I never said _anything_!"

He whirled on her, "Don't you dare bring Helen in to this!"

"Why not? What makes me so different?"

He didn't answer just glared at her and for a minute they just stood there staring at each other. The air around them seemed to crackle and they were both at snapping points with each other.

Tommy made the first move and in a deadly quiet voice said, "Stay out of this case."

Barbara moved back and she shook her head slightly. "Fine, have it your way. Don't expect to work with me ever again."

She turned and walked away knowing that he was watching every move she made.

OxO

It was eleven thirty in the evening when Tommy finally got home. He had been in the pub for a bit then just walking around on the streets. He was happy to be home and slouch around. Slumped back on the sofa he switched on the TV and flicked through the channels. As usual there was nothing on, except the odd adult programs which he certainly didn't want to watch. Switching it off he kicked off his shoes and raked his fingers through his hair. It has been a miserable and useless day and he's rather of just skipped it all together. That scenario with Barbara had been the final straw between them and he knew that by the way she walked away that whatever they had between them was over.

He didn't know what to think let alone feel, it had left him sort of numb. All their years together over in just a minute. It didn't seem real and he didn't want it to be either. Getting to his feet Tommy started to make his way to the bedroom when the phone rang.

"Bet it's the wrong number," he muttered and went to pick it up.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Oh hello, is this Thomas Lynley?" a female voice asked down the line and Tommy said it was.

The woman seemed to pause and take a breath before continuing, "My name is Karen Smith, I am calling from the hospital," Tommy's heart leapt in his chest, "I'm really sorry, your friend Barbara Havers has been taken in after a hit-and-run accident."

A/N: Thank you reviewers! It's been great seeing what you think. So what now eh? Update will be soon!


	6. Blurry

Chapter 5: Blurry

"_Cause I am lost without you, I cannot live at all"_

Tommy barged through the hospital double doors, hardly waiting to apologise to the man he nearly knocked over. He strode to the front desk and demanded to know where Barbara was. The nurse took in his appearance and he knew he looked like a wreck. He had driven like a maniac not giving a damn if he was going over the speed limit; he had just hung up on the phone and jumped into his car.

"She's on the second floor," the nurse said after checking her file. Tommy took off; he didn't even wait for the lift just ran up the stairs. There was an awful sick feeling in his stomach and all he could think in his head was "Please let Barbara be alright" again and again. On the ward there were nurses and doctors going back and forth and Tommy could hardly get a word in to any of them.

"Excuse me can I help?" a mid-forty year old nurse asked coming up beside him.

"Barbara Havers," he managed to say. "I was told she was here."

The woman's face softened, "Oh Thomas Lynley? We spoke on the phone, I'm Karen."

He nodded, "Is she…" he couldn't say the word dead and she understood.

"She was hurt very badly, she is in theatre now," Karen told him gently.

Tommy closed his eyes and felt the sickness rise up his throat. Karen saw his loss of colour in his face and lead him to a seat and sat down next to him.

"Will she be alright?" he asked after a while when the sickness faded.

"The doctors are doing all they can for her," she answered evenly. "She came in with head injuries and sever wounds."

Tommy leaned forwards and covered his face with his hands. He was suddenly back again to the wait in hospital when Barbara had gotten shot all those years ago. The panic and anxiety was the same except now there was guilt and it was eating away at him, tormenting him. God how could this happen? Suddenly he had a million things to say to her, things that he had left unsaid for too long. Karen's pager suddenly beeped making him jump and she stood up.

"Will you be alright here?" she asked and he nodded and went back to resting his head in his hands. He stayed like that, replaying their final moments again along with all their good times. He thought of how she used to smile at him when she was happy, her little comments that made him laugh, her shy awkwardness whenever he praised her. He found himself thinking that he'd give anything to have those moments back again. How long he was like that he didn't know but he heard footsteps and suddenly the nurse, Karen, was back again holding a polystyrene cup of coffee for him. He took it with a murmured thanks and raked his hair.

"Any news?"

"They are finishing in theatre."

"When will I be able to see her?"

"Not for sometime."

Tommy was silent then asked if there was a phone and she directed him down the hallway. Tommy went and dialled Winston's number and told him what had happened. Winston instantly reacted asking all the questions that Tommy desperately wanted answers for.

"Is she alright?"

"I have no idea; they won't let me see her."

"Do you need me to come?" he asked and Tommy said that he was fine.

"I want you to find whoever did this, there's bound to be CCTV and witnesses," Tommy instructed.

"My pleasure," Winston said. "God I can't believe it."

Like he could, Tommy thought. He finished off the conversation then went back to his seat and just sat there immobile.

It was at least an hour later when the doors at the end of the corridor opened and a bustle of doctors and nurses came though wheeling a bed with an occupant through.

"Barbara," Tommy breathed and stumbled to his feet. The nurses blocked his view and he only caught a glimpse of her hair before they took her into to private room and he stood outside.

Tommy saw Karen and touched her arm. "How is she?"

"She's still unconscious," Karen told him. "It would be best for you to go home."

"I have to see her," Tommy protested.

"It would be useless. You need to get some rest," Karen said in a firm but gentle voice. Tommy looked at her helplessly and turned to look through the glass at Barbara's unconscious body. There were different drips and monitors coming off her and she looked so pale and frail that he suddenly felt like crying.

"You won't be much good for her in this condition," she said softly and she led Tommy down the hallway.

"If anything, anything, happens I want to know," he said and she nodded and took down his mobile number.

Tommy slowly left the hospital like in a terrible living dream. Somehow he managed to get home safely though he his mind had been elsewhere whilst driving and in his apartment he didn't even bother undressing, just climbed straight into bed and lay there in the dark.

xOx

**Next Day**

"Sir?"

Tommy turned his head to see Winston standing hesitantly by him, he gave a nod and Winston sat down in the chair next to him.

"Have you see her?" Winston asked in a soft voice and Tommy shook his head.

"No, they are still doing tests."

Winston let out a long breath he'd been holding. "She'll be alright, she's a fighter."

"But what if she isn't Winston?" Tommy faced him. "What if this time she isn't? How can bare to live with the thought that I never got the chance to apologise to her? That I never to get say all the things I wanted to?"

"She _will_ be alright sir," Winston said with more assurance than he felt. "But it goes to show how much more we should appreciate life and the people around us."

"I can't lose Barbara," Tommy whispered and Winston nodded. They shared a moment silence before Winston cleared his throat.

"I uh took the liberty of collecting Barbara's purse and jacket she had when she was," he paused for a split second, "injured."

Tommy only then noticed the items that Winston had placed on the chair next to him. "Very good Winston."

"Oh and um sir…? I thought maybe you'd like to look at these," Winston said and passed him some rough sheets of paper with Barbara's handwriting on them.

Tommy took them and scanned them with a frown, "They are notes on the case."

"Yes and I think Barbara may have had a though because she how she circled that," Winston pointed and Tommy nodded.

"Do you think she might have had a lead?"

"Seems like it."

Tommy studied the notes, a frown still in play on his face. "So if, according to whatever Barbara was thinking, this is the information out of place then that means-"

"That our killer is her," Winston tapped the name on the paper with a sudden realisation.

"Good God," Tommy breathed. "It makes sense, Winston go and call the others and meet me at my car."

Winston sprang to life and Tommy was shrugging on his jacket as the nurse Karen popped up.

"Leaving now?"

"Yes something came up… could you look after those please?" Tommy asked indicating Barbara's things.

"Will you be back for them?" she asked.

"Yes I will."

She nodded and Tommy briskly walked out of the hospital and to his car where Winston was waiting. Getting in the front seat Winston buckled up and Tommy drove out of the parking lot.

"You know even when she might be fighting for her life, Barbara never ceases to amaze me," Winston suddenly commented and Tommy silently backed that one hundred percent.

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Thanks all for the lovely reviews! Poor Barbara

Barbara: Yeah just a bit

Me: I am sorry Barb

Barbara: You should be, don't you think all my near death experiences were enough?

Me: (apologetic) Yes but Tommy was always lovely when you recovered

Barbara: (blush) He was

Me: (Wink) So he will be this time

Barbara: Hmm


	7. Through the Glass

Chapter 6: Through The Glass

"_I'm looking at you through the glass don't know how much time has passed, oh god it feels like forever"_

**Later that evening**

As Tommy walked through the hospital doors and went to the lift he thought about the arrest he had made that day. It had been simple enough; their killer thought she had had them completely fool so that was the last thing she was expecting. He had left most of the legal processing to Winston and the others whilst he went and studied Barbara's hit-and-run case. Everyone had been incredibly sympathetic and all giving him their best wishes.

He had sat alone in his office and watched the CCTV footage of her accident, feeling sick every time he saw her slamming into the car's side and her head smacking against the tarmac seconds later. She had been crossing the road after getting out of her car and was nearly on the other side when the car had appeared and run her down. It hadn't even slowed its speed at all once it had hit her. Although some of the number plate letters weren't picked up clearly on the CCTV witnesses had given a good account and the search was on. Tommy wanted the animals (CCTV had shown two passengers in the car) locked up though catching them might be impossible if the car turned out to be stolen.

Walking out of the lift and down the now familiar corridor he hoped that today he would be getting some information of how she was doing. He couldn't stand not knowing anymore. As he turned the corner, he saw coming out of Barbara's room a doctor and caught up with him.

"Doctor how is she doing?"

The doctor, in his mid-thirties, looked at him curiously, "And who are you?"

"I'm her partner," he said without thinking that the doctor would take that to mean anything other than working. He almost added 'at work' but then he wanted to know so he kept silent.

He sighed, "I think we should sit down. I'm Doctor Lewis."

"Thomas Lynley," he said before he went and took a seat and the doctor sat down heavily beside him. "The tests have come back that as far we can see there is no terminal damage."

"Thank God," Tommy let out totally relieved and the doctor nodded.

"She is very luck that the impact of the hit hadn't snapped her spinal cord. There are a few broken ribs, a couple of wounds that we had to stitch up and a fractured arm but that's the main bulk of it."

"Will I be able to see her?" Tommy asked.

"Yes but I have to warn you that she might not wake for some time."

"What do you mean?"

"The impact, the shock, everything, has caused Barbara's body to demand a sort of 'time out' if you will. She will remain in this sleep-like state until her body has recovered," the doctor explained.

"How long will this take?" Tommy looked worried.

"I can't say, less than a week I should think then ever person is different."

"So this is like a coma?"

"Hmm not exactly," the doctor's pager went off. "Sorry I have to go. She will wake as soon as her body is ready. For now you can go and talk to her that could help bring her to consciousness."

"Thank you doctor," Tommy said lowly and with a small smile the doctor went leaving Tommy alone. He tentatively went and looked through the window. She lay so passive and silent that it was almost inhuman.

Almost like she was dead.

Entering he went to her side and pulled up a chair and sat casting his eyes over her form. There was a bandage around her head and he guessed many more wrapped around her chest. There were bruises covering her arm and through the oxygen mask he could see more on her lovely face. He gently picked up her hand and stroked her still fingers.

"Hi Barbara," he said feeling a little foolish. "It's Tommy."

He stopped, unsure of how to continue or what to say. How could he tell her that he desperately wanted her to wake up so he could apologise?

He cleared his throat and then, as natural as it was to breathe, it all came pouring out.

"I need to wake up Barbara, I need… you. I'm so sorry for what I had said, it was so wrong of me to blame you. You mean so much to me Barbara and haven't shown or told you how much you mean to me. Without you I would have still been on that case never realising my fault. I've been selfish and basically a complete bastard to you and I'm so so sorry."

He squeezed her fingers but there was no reaction from her. He closed his eyes only to open them again and find them blurry with tears. He knew that she wouldn't wake yet but he wanted this nightmare of not knowing how she was to end. He couldn't deal with another loss especially one that would leave such a huge hole in his existence.

How long he sat there, murmuring things to her about the day and holding her hand, he didn't know only that when he next looked at the clock it was coming up to ten and it was suggested by a nurse that it was time for him to get some rest. Tommy stood up slowly, hardly wanting to let her hand go, and leaned over placing a soft kiss on her forehead. As he exited the room he turned back and looked at her through the glass heavy-hearted for a moment before quietly leaving.

xxxxxxxxxxx

A/N Thanks reviewers! There's more coming soon!

Tommy: how comes it's Barbara always getting hurt?

Me: I don't know, it just came to me that she should. Besides it kind of makes a nice story with you being all sweet to her.

Tommy: (to himself) Hmm I miss her

Me: (hugs) I know I do too


	8. Awakening

Chapter 7: Awakening

"_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems got to open my eyes to everything"_

**3 days later**

"So it turns out the car was stolen," he pressed her hand. "I'm sorry that we probably won't find whoever did this to you."

He took a deep breath and looked down at her silently. The bruises were slowly starting to fade and the wound was healing well. X-rays had shown that her ribs were healing too and on the whole she was mending fast. But still she didn't wake or even move. The only thing that reassured him that she was still there was shallow rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. He had been in everyday and was now a rather familiar face to the hospital staff that were doing their utmost to help her.

"Sir?" Winston said and he appeared in the doorway. Tommy looked up and Winston was no longer surprised to see how Tommy was with Barbara: the tight hold of her hand, the brushing back of her hair, the kiss on the forehead and the low soft tone he used when he talked to her about anything.

"Yes Winston?" he asked not releasing his hold on her hand.

"There's a phone call for you," Winston informed him and saw how reluctant Tommy was to release her. He stood and stretched before he went to the door.

"I'll sit with her," Winston said and Tommy smiled tightly before going to answer his call. Winston strolled in and took up Tommy's seat, looked around the room then at Barbara.

"You have a lot cards and chocolates you know," he said after a while. "You're going to be so sick of them when you wake."

Winston smiled and relaxed getting into the swing of talking to her without hearing a reply. It was like unburdening yourself to a stranger who could only judge you from that moment alone.

"I got you some of those flowers you like and of course Lynley has gotten you some too. The guy has been in pieces about you, never seen him like it. I never realised how much you meant to him and I don't think he did either," Winston sighed. "If I didn't know better I'd say that it was almost like he loved you, in more than a friendly way. Actually," Winston carried on warming to the subject at hand, "That's not the first time I have thought of that. There's always that bond between the two of you."

He sighed again then stood up and paced before his curiosity took over and he looked through the cards on the side. He was sure Barbara would be surprised by the warm wishes from fellow colleagues and realise that people did like and appreciate her. He smiled at one that said they needed her back to make the coffee breaks a laugh again.

Tommy finished on the phone and made his way back after getting a coffee and saw Winston sitting by her talking gently. He came in and handed the cup to Winston and the other man got up for him to sit again.

"Its fine, I'll stand for a bit," Tommy said declining and took a sip. "Looks different doesn't she?"

Winston frowned at him, "What do you mean sir?"

"Well, she looks pale and sort of fragile. None of that feisty, defensive Barbara Havers we are used to."

Winston observed her and made a sound of agreement. "Yeah sir, I can see that."

Winston stayed a while longer then he headed off and Tommy went back to sitting with her. It was around eight in the evening, he was just talking to her when he saw her eyelids flutter slightly.

"Barbara?" he leaned forward, took her hand and felt his heart race. Could she be waking?

"Barbara, can you hear me?" her eyelids fluttered again and then he called for a nurse who rushed in. He repeated her name then gently urged her to wake up. Suddenly her hand which had lain passive in his jerked and squeezed.

"Come on Barbara, wake up please," he pleaded then slowly her eyes opened and it was as if she had breathed in life. She looked dazed, green eyed wide and she blinked getting used to the light. Then she turned her head and saw him. The nurse took off the oxygen mask and Barbara tried to speak but it came out in a croak and she waited for the nurse to help her drink some water.

"What's going on?" she said at last, her voice still a bit hoarse. That's when Tommy felt a panic settle in his stomach and he gripped her hand.

"You don't remember?" he asked lowly.

Barbara frowned, closed her eyes and slowly the fragments came together. Walking across the road, the car, being hit in the side, the pain then darkness. She opened her eyes in a panic and he got onto the bed trying to sooth her.

"It's alright Barbara."

"I…" she gulped down some air to steady her. "You were here?"

"Yes," he said. "Everyday."

"I thought it was you," she looked at him and there were tears in her eyed. "I'm sor-"

"Barbara Havers, you've woken at last," Doctor Lewis said with a smile striding in and she blinked again.

"How long have I been here?" she asked worriedly and the doctor came to her bed and looking through her file.

"Well four days – that's counting the day you came in."

"Four days," she echoed and stared at Tommy who nodded.

"I thought it might have taken you a little longer but, like I have been told, you are indeed a fighter."

Barbara felt herself flush a little then Lewis told everyone he needed to do tests. Tommy said he'd go and call to tell everyone the good news and with a smile for her he left.

"Now Barbara, lets start at the basics," Lewis smiled and so then started her recovery tests.

xxxx

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! Means a lot to me that you are enjoying this! Hoped you liked the update and I'll put another chap up soon!


	9. Starting Again

Chapter 8: Starting Over

"_In the end I want to be standing at the beginning with you" _

Barbara smiled lightly back and brushed some of her red hair out of her face. Tommy leaned back in his seat, "So how have you been?"

"Um, well, everything is healing and Doctor Lewis can't see anything wrong with, well, my brain so I'm okay I guess."

"That's good, any date as to when you'll be out of here?" he asked casually.

"Not a final date," she answered and smiled again. "Everyone is missing me that much, eh?"

"Yes," he said solemnly. "You can see that from your cards and mountains of chocolates."

She giggled and looked at them in kindness. "I had never thought that I was well liked."

"You are Barbara, lots of people love you."

She gazed at him then looked back down at her hands. "I guess so. How have you been?"

He offered a wan smile, "Ah coping."

"Were you really that worried?" she asked suddenly.

"Of course I was! To find out that your closest friend could be fighting for her life in hospital and the last words you shared with her were angry and stupid, I was filled with guilt and worried sick about you!"

A small flush came over her now healthy-looking skin and she turned her head away a little with a smile. Years back she would have been awkward but she had learned to take his compliments and kindness with just a shyness.

"Look, Barbara I want to-"

"Barbara," Doctor Lewis said suddenly coming in, "time for your x-rays," he stopped when he saw Tommy "ah, sorry to interrupt."

"It's fine," Tommy said and stood. "I'll see you later then Barbara."

She nodded, watching him leave and the nurse came over to help get her ready. They wheeled her down to the x-ray room which she had become rather familiar with after the daily routine check up on. She lay still and whilst she wondered what Tommy was going to say if the doctor hadn't interrupted.

"So, everything looks good so I'd say give it around about two more days then you can be out of here. You'd still need the bandages and not too much activity but I don't see any reason to keep you," Doctor Lewis grinned.

"Might look good but feels awful," she grumbled.

"Does it hurt a lot then?"

"Mmm when I'm breathing or moving or anything really," Barbara said and winced in pain.

"I'll give you some more painkillers," Lewis said and wrote it down on a bit of paper.

"Thanks it would help."

"Right," Lewis got to his feet. "Lets wheel you back and I must go and see to another patient."

They took her back and the nurse, Sarah, chatted lightly to her. She asked questions about her job and soon enough the conversation turned to Thomas Lynley.

"Rather handsome isn't he?" Sarah said and gave her a knowing glance.

"Um… I suppose," Barbara muttered looking away.

"Yeah but he's taken," Sarah gave a woeful sigh and Barbara looked shocked.

"What?"

Sarah laughed, "Oh come on you know he is."

"Um no."

Sarah blinked at Barbara's clear confusion. "Aren't the two of you together? I thought you were considering how close you are… oh I'm sorry."

Barbara was blushing hard, "Oh I see… I'm the last person he'd date."

Sarah smirked, "You know either you're being very modest or blind."

"I don't understand."

"God the man has been here everyday near you. Been driving some of us crazy and you can't ignore the way he talks, watches and holds your hand."

"That's only because I was in an accident and we had parted in an argument," Barbara argued unable to believe any possibility of what Sarah was implying.

"Oh please, I broke my arm and all my boyfriend, now husband, did was bring me some flowers and chocolates and say 'are you alright dear?' over and over. I think that whatever he feels for you is deeper than you think."

Barbara was silent and the nurse winked at her. There was much food for thought there and after a while Barbara was left to it, as in her condition there was nothing else she could do really. Later when Tommy came back with Winston she observed him and when he asked what was up she merely smiled, shook her head and said nothing.

xOx

"Must be good to be back."

"Yeah it is, better than hospital as it gets so bloody boring," she replied and looked slowly around the office.

"I suppose so with only day time TV," Tommy said smiling over his tea.

"Ah, don't! I'd rather watch paint dry," Barbara said with a mock groan. "Honestly the amount of rubbish they put on!"

"Well at least your back now," Tommy told her and Winston popped his head round the door with a smile.

"Hey, Hillier wants to see you both."

Tommy set his cup down whilst Barbara pushed off from the desk she was leaning on. This was her second week back since the hospital told her she could go back to work and she found that everyone had been really kind to her. Even Hillier gave her a tight smile once down the corridor. Although the doctor told her that she should ease herself back gently into her job, Barbara was rather eager to get her life back to normal. She was a little jumpy around cars, especially if they were travelling at a high speed, and she tended to avoid crossing major roads. Tommy was a little concerned about this and had one night lightly suggested that she should maybe see someone. Barbara had just turned the idea down sharply and he hadn't raised the issue again.

As it turned out Hillier wanted to tell them of a new case that he was giving to Tommy and, although he knew that Havers would be in on the job, he wondered if she was ready and expressed his thoughts.

"I can handle it sir," Barbara insisted and Hillier gave a nod but warned her that if she couldn't she'd be immediately off the case.

Their case was of a little ten year old girl who had gone missing yesterday and now the family were receiving death letters describing the terrible tortures they would do to her. The kidnappers didn't seem to want anything from the family it appeared except to cause them 'unimaginable pain'.

As Tommy left Hillier's office with the case file in hand he glanced over at Barbara and they shared a knowing look. This was going to be a difficult case; child ones always were and they both grimaced before starting their investigation.

xxx

A/N: please review and to everyone who has in the pervious chapters a huge thank you! I apologise that I couldn't have updated more recently but I have been a way and with millions of things going on. I hope you liked this and I will update again in the near future – love x


	10. Closer

**A/N: **Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and I love you! You have kept me going lol. This is a longer chapter and I hope you enjoy it x

Chapter 9: Closer

"_Want to get closer, in too deep… want to get closer into you"_

"Mmm," Barbara finished swallowing her food before she spoke again. "This is good."

Tommy gave her one of his small smiles and nodded in agreement. They were standing outside by his car eating from some sandwich bar they had found after Barbara made a small complaint about missing lunch. Barbara munched away on her ham and cheese roll whilst his thoughts drifted back to their case. He knew that in the back of his mind this case was like a little time bomb, each second counted towards finding the girl.

"There's something missing," he said out loud and she glanced at him.

"Sir?"

"One of them is lying, I know it."

Barbara stopped eating and thought. "But why would they do that if they want Layla back? They seem genuinely upset."

"Yes but that could be that they are covering for something," Tommy said and then suddenly opened his car door as a thought struck him. "Come on."

"I haven't finished," she protested but he just told her to eat on the way. As he drove she frowned and wished he would share with her what he had thought. She had come to realise over the years that if he felt he was close to solving a part of the case he got this peculiar look on his face like he knew something and wasn't going to share until she was dying to know. He called for backup and she wondered what was going on.

He took them to the girl's family home and hopped out of the car followed by Barbara. As he knocked on her door he asked her to just go along with whatever happened. Barbara could hardly voice her opinion as the door opened and Tommy smiled.

"Mrs Smith can I have a word please?"

"I don't understand Inspector, I thought you had asked all your questions," Mrs Smith said defensively not moving back.

"Just a few more," Tommy said and she slowly moved back. Barbara saw suitcases and raised her eyebrow.

"Going somewhere?"

"No," the other woman said quickly. "They are my husband's."

"And where is he now Mrs Smith?"

"At work I would guess. What is it?"

"Why would he have packed suitcases?" Barbara asked going over and having a look.

"Just things he wants to move into the loft."

"Why move them down here when the lofts upstairs?" Tommy asked.

Mrs Smith looked anxious. "Look, I don't know okay? He just came down with these and told me not to move them."

"Is your husband leaving you?" Tommy asked bluntly.

"No! How can you say that?"

"Well Mrs Smith, often partners break up if something like a missing child happens," Barbara said. "And you are starting the process of a divorce."

"Well he's not leaving me and he's staying till we find Layla," Mrs Smith crossed her arms. "Now what have you found?"

"Ah yes, staying till we have found Layla. Tell me, Mrs Smith, do you love your child?"

"Of course I do!"

"Where were you Mrs Smith when your daughter went missing?" Tommy asked tilting his head to the right.

"I have already said this. I was here at home."

"Anyone with you?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"What are you getting at?"

"Nothing except that in your original statement you said your husband was here," Tommy gave a semi-smile. "So which is it?"

Mrs Smith was clearly agitated and was wringing her hands. "I…I…"

"Because you would do almost anything to keep your husband from leaving wouldn't you?" Tommy pressed on.

"What?"

"You kidnapped Layla, and then wrote those notes yourself. You placed them outside before the postman came and then this whole drama started."

Mrs Smith was pale, her body shook and her eyes darted around. "He was leaving."

Barbara who had just been listening astounded glanced quickly at Tommy. Where they getting a confession?

"What happened Mrs Smith?"

"What didn't happen you mean?" she laughed a little hysterically. "He was going to leave, get a divorce and marry that slut of a secretary. I begged him, I love him, but he said it was over. He said he would stay close by because of Layla. He loves her – always has – more than me. I could see it, hear it and I hated it. But then I thought, hey if he loves Layla so much then he'd have to stay if something happened."

"How could you?" Barbara burst out and Tommy gave her a warning glance.

"Mrs Smith I am placing you under arrest for the kidnap of your child," he looked at Barbara. "Can you?"

Barbara went forwards and told her to put her arms against the wall whilst Tommy finished the rest of the speech. The woman trembled as Barbara came forwards then with a cry she tried to knock Barbara down and run away. She caught Barbara in the chest with her elbow and, although winded, Barbara tackled the now sobbing woman to the ground and with a struggled managed to handcuff her.

"Where is Layla?" Tommy demanded above her helping Barbara.

"He was leaving me!" Mrs Smith wailed as she got to her feet.

"Where is Layla?" Barbara asked and the woman just glanced up.

"Upstairs," Tommy said and then as the back up team came in Barbara handed her over and ran after Tommy. They tore through the rooms, searching everywhere but came up with nothing.

"She looked up," Tommy said again then Barbara looked up.

"Sir," she pointed up to the entrance of the loft and Tommy let out a curse.

Barbara was already in action despite the fact her ribs were starting to ache, the tackle downstairs hadn't helped with her healing process.

"Let me," Tommy tried but Barbara wasn't really listening.

"I'm smaller sir," she said as she climbed up. Tommy held the bottom of the ladder steady for her as she pushed up the latch. The musty, dusty scent hit Barbara making her cough and she thought how terrible it must be for the girl.

"Layla," she called softly. "It's the police; we're here to help you."

It was really dark and cramped and as Barbara lifted herself up she heard a small scuffled and turned. In the dim light she could make out a figure and let out a small sigh of relief. Layla lay bound and gagged on her side, she was crying and as Barbara steadily moved towards her on her hands and knees she tried to sit up.

"It's okay Layla," Barbara said in her most soothing voice and slowly helped unbind her.

From down below Tommy and some of the other officers who had come up listened and then heard Barbara call out that she was okay. Tommy ordered for the medics to come and then saw Barbara's face appear at the entrance.

"Sir, can you help her down?"

Barbara slowly started to lower the shaken and half starved girl down, she clung to Barbara's arms and Tommy gently held her. He gave her quickly to the paramedics who comforted her, quickly wrapping her up and taking her down. Barbara swung her legs down and felt Tommy grab her ankle. His hand slid up to her calf, leading her legs down to the ladder and although it was just to help she still felt a little flush cover her cheeks. Yet he didn't let her go even when she was stable, hands on her waist and when she came off the ladder and faced him he looked concerned. Only then did he remove his hands but she could still feel the pressure of where they had been. At the same time she got a stinging pain in her ribs that make her wince. In an instant he touched her arm in comfort.

"Barbara, what's wrong?" his voice was filled with worry and it left her bewildered.

"It's nothing sir, just a small pain that's all."

"Do you need to see a doctor?"

"I think it was just where I got winded," she insisted. "Really sir, I'm fine."

He said nothing else from down below they heard Mr Smith come running in and Layla's cries. They glanced at each other before Tommy said he'd go down and tell him of the situation. Barbara followed him but went to talk to the ambulance team and from the corner of her eyes watched Tommy. In a couple of minutes he was back at her side and murmured that they should get back. As he ushered her out he placed a hand on the small of her back leading her to his car. Although it was purely innocent, it had stirred old feelings that she had been compressing inside of her for sometime.

The ride back was mainly in silence, both too wrapped up in their thoughts of the case and each other. He glanced at her once when she was staring out of the window and wondered what she was thinking about. This accident of hers had jolted him back to what was at hand and had made him re-think some of his priorities. In turn he had discovered that he had formed a deep attachment to this woman for a long time now despite the fact that, at the beginning, she had been the most difficult person to work with, let alone like. But the more he got to work with her, the more he understood and related to her. He had been able to tell her things that he hadn't been able to have told his own wife or family.

"It's green," she said suddenly making him blink up and see that the light had indeed changed. He mumbled his thanks and in a couple of minutes pulled up into the car park.

From then on they had the task of updating and finishing the report and Tommy went to talk to Mr Smith about his daughter and of his wife's trial. Barbara was using his office as it was quiet and that's what she really wanted at the moment. She always found this the most tiresome of jobs and it was no wonder that her mind began to drift.

She replayed his touch again and again wondering what it meant and if she was reading too much into it. It wasn't like he had never touched her before, throughout the years there had been moments when he's often touch her arm or shoulder but today… it had felt different.

Tommy came back later to find his sergeant slumped on his desk idly flicking through the files. She gave him a tired smile and made a move to get up but he just motioned her to stay put.

"How's it going?" he asked and she just gave him a killer look. "That bad huh?"

"You know I hate this."

"Yes, well, unfortunately it's part of the job."

"Yeah, whatever," Barbara grumbled then got up stretching. "Good thing I've finished."

"I'll pass it onto Hillier if you want?"

"Thanks sir," she paused. "How's Layla?"

"They are keeping her in hospital for a while and under psychological supervision."

"How could she do that?" Barbara suddenly spoke out. "How could a mother do that to her own daughter?"

Tommy glanced sadly at her, "I don't know why Barbara."

"Well she deserves all that she gets," Barbara added with force and he just agreed. They decided to call it a day and whilst she gathered her things, he quickly popped over to Hillier's office and handed him the file. When he re-joined Barbara at the front doors he saw Winston at her side, sounding like he was trying to convince her to do something.

As Tommy came closer and Winston spied him he smiled, "You'd come sir wont you?"

"Come to what Winston?"

"There's a party going on tonight, a few of the guys are arranging it, a birthday I think, anyway, and I'm trying to get Barb here," he shot her a look, "to come."

Tommy placed his hands on his hips and cocked his head to the right, "Is that so?"

"Yeah so will you come Barb?" Winston said turning back to her.

"Uhh, I'm really tired," she complained.

"Surely not too tired for a party? I think you need some cheering up," Tommy said and she rounded on him with wide eyes.

"Sir, I've had a really tiring day. You're not going are you?" she added with a frown.

He smiled in slight amusement, "I am considering it."

"Great," Winston grinned, "Come on Barb!"

At his plea she looked between the two men in front of her and then gave up with a huff. "Fine! But if I fall asleep then don't complain and I'll go home when I please!"

"Agreed," Winston's grin widened and he gave Tommy the address and times whilst Barbara just listened to them arranged it all as if she wasn't even there. Tommy smiled brightly at her raised eyebrows as a happy Winston walked away.

"Sir, we're not really going are we?"

"Of course we are Barbara," he said frowning strangely at her. "I didn't just say we were then not to actually go."

"But sir I have nothing to wear and as I mentioned I am really tired," she objected walking out of the building with him following in a slow stroll.

He shrugged at that and got out his car keys. She climbed in the passenger seat and he started the engine.

"You never know Barbara, you might have fun," he suggested and watched her roll her eyes. He chuckled and then turned his eyes on the road and listened to her switch the radio on and settle on a channel before she started hummed along. He was certain that one way or another he'd make sure Barbara had fun tonight, even if it was for a little while.

A/N: please review!


	11. Save Tonight

**A.N: To everyone who has been hanging in there with this fic thank you! I hope that you like this update and I will be posting again soon. I don't plan to make this much longer than 13 chaps I hope. Anyway love you reviewers! x**

Chapter 10: Save Tonight

"_Save tonight and fight the break of dawn. Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone."_

The first thing Barbara saw as she and Tommy walked into the venue was the crowd. There were more people than she had expected and she could see that many of them had started the drinks early.

"Wow, lots of people," Tommy said by her side, raising his voice just a little above the music.

"Just a bit," she replied and he smile. Winston came over and introduced them to the guys doing the party then they were left to fend for themselves. At his suggestion, Barbara followed Tommy to get a drink and observed the room. It was the sort of place children had for discos and most of the people were dancing and drinking. There was a door near the back which opened out to a garden of sorts and quite a few people, she could see, went out to have a quick fag.

Tommy pretended to watch the crowds when in fact he was just watching her. The base music had her head bobbing in time and he skimmed her appearance. He had been a little surprise when she had opened the door to him when he had come round to pick her up. She wore snug, quite fashionable faded blue jeans and a becoming green long sleeved V neck jumper with a white shirt underneath. Never had he seen her dressed like this and it had taken him by surprise. Her hair was loose and neatly combed through and in the light it appeared a deep red. He could completely appreciate her and realised then how very curvy and feminine her body was. She hide it often enough and for the life of him didn't know why, now that he could see she had a very nice one.

A guy, Tony he thought and one he vague recognised from work, came up and asked her for a dance. She looked shocked and glanced at him for help. When he just smiled she accepted a little reluctantly and Tony took her off. She hadn't completely loosened up and therefore was a little stiff and awkward but Tony didn't seem to mind. In fact, Tommy felt a little irritated by that.

As she came back she smiled shyly, "I'm not really a party person."

"You seemed fine," Tommy said taking a sip of his drink but she couldn't really hear. Winston came back to their side and after some laughs asked Barbara for a spin on the dance floor.

"Really, I hate dancing," she tried in vain but Winston was already pushing her. He smiled down at her with a twinkle in his eye as she bit her lip to keep herself from laughing.

"You seem to be having a good time," Winston commented whilst spinning her around.

"Yeah, I am," she said realising that it was the truth. "Though all this dancing is a bit…"

Winston grinned, "DI isn't dancing much."

Barbara looked over to where Tommy was standing, observing the rotating couples. She sighed, "I guess not. Maybe you should ask him?"

Winston laughed at her joke, "Nah I'm alright. Maybe one of the girls might be interested."

"Yeah," Barbara replied dismissively. She glanced back at Tommy only to find him watching her. For a split moment their eyes held before she was spun around again breaking contact. When the song ended she and Winston wandered off in a laugh about something witty Winston had come up with and Tommy was talking to a woman she had seen around the station.

"Ah," Tommy smiled at her. "Back from your adventures?"

"For now," Barbara looked at the woman. "Barbara Havers."

"Stacy," she said barely even glancing in her direction. "Tommy, you dancing?"

"Um-"

"Come on sir, I did," Barbara cut in whilst Tommy frowned.

"Great," Stacy flicked her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Bye."

"Bye," Barbara muttered after them and rolled her eyes exchanging a look with Winston. They mingled around the drinks then, with a glass in one hand and a small party pastry thing in the other, watched the crowd. She found some empty seats and decided to sit rather than just stand there. At least then it wouldn't look so obvious that she was only watching Tommy.

"Good thing you came," Winston told her and she smiled.

"Yeah, but I'm not a party girl."

"Sure," Winston winked. "Oh dear."

"What?"

"Looks like Stacy isn't going to hook up with him after all."

Barbara looked over, craning her neck to see Tommy part ways with Stacy coming towards them. He took in her raised eyebrow expression and just sat down next to her.

"Stacy…?"

"It's nothing," he told her flatly and Winston let out a low whistle before getting up to chat to some other people he spotted. For a reason there was a slight awkwardness and Barbara wished Winston was back just to have the small silence broken.

The guy doing the music (you couldn't really call him a DJ) suddenly spoke up and requested that everyone got onto the dance floor for a slow dance. Barbara always hated that dance the most, mainly because no one ever really asked her to dance it, but she also felt awkward with all the couples finding the excuse to 'go at it' in public. So, as always, she expected to sit it out and it came as a total shock when Tommy turned to her and asked if she wanted to. In her head a million of voices told her that this was wrong, they were working partners and this was an intimacy she really didn't want to get into. Yet she found herself saying that she would and his hand clasped gently round hers.

When his hand lay on her waist she had to take a breath as their bodies drew closer. He was careful when holding her in case he squashed her and caused her pain. She avoided eye contact, turning her head to the right as they slowly started to rotate. Tommy felt comfortable in the silence; he preferred it than forced conversation and enjoy the moment. The dim lighting stopped inquisitive glances being thrown his way and heightened his senses of touch and sound, which were all concentrated on her. The singer on the record crooned softly, _"It ain't easy to say goodbye darling please don't start to cry"_ and Tommy couldn't help but draw her a little closer and close his eyes. She wasn't resisting now and after a long moment looked up at him.

Barbara felt as if all the oxygen was being sucked out of her as she stared up at him. They were impossibly close and she could have sworn that time slowed, holding that moment apart from all the rest. She had read too many romance novels, she knew, but it was like everything around didn't exist but the two of them. For a brief second she thought he was going to kiss her and both delighted and panicked in the thought. He would be far more experienced and, whilst she had had some experiences, they were so long ago and basic she couldn't even remember the details.

Slowly she broke the connection and looked down, taking in another deep breath. Tommy released a breath he didn't know he had been holding and tried to block out the urges to kiss her. All around there was couples showing publicly their affection for one another and he avoided looking, becoming slightly uncomfortable. He had seen so many emotions swimming in Barbara's eyes that he couldn't pick them out and he wondered what was running through her head.

The song came up to a slow halt, the lights brightened and she glanced back up at his face. He tried to smile but it seemed rather forced and there was a small frown imprinting its self on her forehead. He took a step back, releasing his hold on her and she blinked and her arms dropped to her sides.

"I…" he began but was interrupted with Winston's appearance.

"Hey glad to see you two still here, want drinks?"

Barbara turned her attentions away from Tommy and to Winston, "Yeah cheers."

"You?" Winston asked Tommy who shook his head.

"Alright," Winston smiled and started to walk away.

"I'll come with you," Barbara said quickly and without looking at Tommy, disappeared into the crowd once more.

She argued with herself in her head all the way till they reached the side bar. What the hell had she been thinking allowing herself to be sucked into such a state? Of course she hadn't been thinking at all, she should have refused. Winston noticed her grimace and tapped her shoulder.

"What's up?"

"Oh," she picked up her drink. "Nothing."

He raised his brows, unbelieving but now was neither the time nor place to start questioning her. He just shrugged and picked up a of handful peanuts, popping a couple into his mouth. The talked amiably until he excused himself and she then wandered around trying to see if she could find Tommy. When she couldn't find him at all she sighed and headed towards the door the led out to the garden, leaving behind a crowd of more than tipsy people trying to do the Macarena. She looked around, seeing who else was out there and she spotted a familiar figure sitting alone on a bench. She hesitated and was going to turn around and go back inside but he looked up and saw her. Unable to read his expression for afar she slowly came up to him.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked as she sat down.

"I could ask the same," she turned her head. "I needed some air."

He gave a nod and looked out and she just waited for him to speak.

"Had a good time?" he asked her after a while.

"Mmm not bad I guess," she leaned back. "I'm still exhausted though, you?"

He smiled slightly, "Not bad. Do you want to head home?"

"Yeah I think I do, you and Winston did both agree that I could go home at anytime," she reminded. He stood and she followed, they managed to catch Winston before leaving and he wished them goodnight before going back to the party. They headed out; he pulled out his car keys and approached the road.

"It was in full swing then," Barbara commented on the party and he grinned.

"Good thing I'm going home and not staying in that crush."

"Yeah, no more dancing requests," she replied and started to cross when nothing was coming. But up coming car headlights had her freeze like a rabbit in the middle of the road and it all came rushing back. The screeching of the brakes, the scream, the crack of her ribs and she couldn't breathe.

"Barbara!" Tommy shouted yanking her out of the way just in time and she wildly looked up into his face as he gripped her arms.

"Oh god," she gasped and tears threatened to spill. He suddenly held her close and her body trembled. She thought she was over it, it was in the past but that had just brought it all back. She had refused to deal with it when it had happened and now it was time that she did.

"Barbara," he said softly and she looked up, eyes huge. "It's okay."

"I just," she took a breath. "It just all came back. I thought I had dealt with it."

He looked down at her, genuine concern in his eyes. "It's a hard thing to do."

She looked away and pulled back feeling ashamed and he just studied her quietly. Then it was obvious she wasn't going to say anything else he opened the car and she climbed in shutting the door tightly. They didn't speak, neither knowing what to say to the other.

A little later he pulled up and switched off the engine. They sat for a moment and when Barbara didn't more he gave her a fleeting look.

"Do you want to come in for tea or coffee?" she asked suddenly unbuckling her belt.

"Alright, thanks," he replied but she was already out of the car and he got out quickly following her into her house.

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Review please! xx Oh and the song lyrics are the same as that of the chap title.


	12. There for You

**A/N: **Thank you reviewers and I hope you like the update. Sorry it took so long!! x

Chapter 11: There For You

_And I could be there for you oh I could be there for you_

Tommy murmured thanks as she placed the mug of coffee heavily down on the table before swiftly moving around the kitchen again. She seemed nervous, and asked quickly if he wanted anything to eat.

"Toast would be fine," he replied politely. He knew better than to press her, if she didn't want to talk right now then he'd let her come around in her own time. Barbara shoved two slices of toast into the toaster, twiddled with the dialler and then without anything to do but wait turned facing him and leaned against the counter. She gazed at her feet before she had the courage to look at him. She was still unsettled and was thankful that he wasn't pressuring her to talk. Seconds passed then the toaster popped up and she got the plates and took his over along with jam and butter. She hesitated for a heartbeat before she too sat down opposite him.

"Thank you," he said and she nodded biting into her buttery toast. She chewed slowly thinking of how to start the conversation when all she wanted was to stay in silence. She really wasn't good at expressing her feelings.

"I still dream about it," she said suddenly when she had finished eating and he glanced up sharply. "The accident."

"I see…" he spoke slowly waiting for her to elaborate on her point. She sighed heavily, gathered the plates and took them to the sink.

"I keep dreaming that I'm crossing the road and then the lights come and I can't move. I'm paralysed to the spot and then I feel it crash into me. Sometimes I scream, sometimes I try to but nothing comes out."

"Barbara…"

"Then when I wake it feels so real that I expect to find myself back in the hospital and the pain," she looked at him with haunted eyes. "I always feel so scared, stupid when I survived a gun shot."

"Not stupid," he got up crossing over to her. She eyed his movements cautiously allowing him to draw closer. "It is a traumatic experience that you went through and it is bound to haunt you."

"But I thought it was over with," she whispered lowering her head ashamed.

"I don't think it will ever be over if you refuse to face it," he replied gently.

"I don't want to face it… I can't."

He was lifting her chin with his fingers gently before he realised that he was touching her. "I can help you…if you would like," he offered.

She studied him and took a breath slowly exhaling. "I would."

He smiled gently then removed his hand and she missed his touch but then turned her head away. "Anytime you want to talk I'm here as well remember."

"Thanks," she swallowed. "Do you have to go now?"

"Not if you don't want me to," he told her and she moved past him and into the living room which he took as a silent invitation to stay. She sat down heavily leaning forward and resting her head in her hands.

"Maybe I should see someone," she suggested out loud.

"It could help," he said and she looked up.

"But?"

"But only if you want, sometimes just talking helps."

"Like you talked to me?" she asked a little bitterly and he felt that sting. He guessed she had ever right to say that, as it was the truth. He hadn't really opened up to her when Helen had died; he had deliberately pushed her out instead. Before he could make a suitable reply she spoke.

"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for."

"No, you're right. I should have talked to you instead of just shutting off, it didn't help me at all and I was a wreck."

She shook her head, "Your wife had just died, that doesn't compare to an accident."

"Maybe not but I still should have talked to you, I wasn't a good friend."

She smiled sadly, "I'm not always that great."

He smiled and joined her, sitting close so that their thighs brushed. "I think we both need to talk more to each other."

"I'm not always good at…expressing myself."

"So I've come to figure out," he sighed. "To tell the truth neither am I."

"The whole stiff upper lip thing?" she guessed and he just nodded. They glanced at each other for a minute, unspoken words drifting all around them. There were things that she wanted to say but didn't have the words to even begin to tell him anything. Her eyes never left his face as she reached out and touched his hand lightly that lay between them. She was almost as shocked as he was by their touch; it was instinctive that she should touch him like she did. He turned his hand allowing her hand to fall into his and enclosed it with a warm secure grip. Sometimes it seemed actions were better than words.

He ended up leaving at one o'clock when he was sure that Barbara would be alright without him. She quietly studied him as he stood in the open doorway a little unsure as to what to say that wouldn't seem foolish. She understood and so murmured her goodbye softly.

"Goodnight Barbara," he said and there was a second's hesitation before he leaned in to kiss her cheek. She moved her head a little and in doing so he caught the corner of her mouth. He drew back, she blinked at him and then he left without another word whilst she stood there for a moment then closed the door. She leaned her head against it and she raised her hand and gently touched the left corner of her mouth where his kiss had landed. She smiled closing her eyes before she went to bed to sleep without troubled dreams.

XxxX

Whatever intimate moments had occurred the night before, she had brushed them aside that morning when he saw her at the office. She said good morning as if he hadn't come close to kissing her that night and although he was, in a way, thankful that she wasn't hiding from him, he was a little confused at her complete lack questioning about it. Unlike Barbara, he had had a troubled night where he tossed and turned but was unable to rid himself of the image of his sergeant. Yet work wasn't he place to raise such issues and so followed her tack and carried on as normal though he felt anything but.

She left early, having told him that she had taken his advice and gone to speak to someone. She wasn't pleased with the idea but if it was a way to get over the incident then she would do it. There wasn't much for him to do surprisingly and when he got home he decided to call Barbara to see how it went. She answered on the third ring sounding a little breathless.

"Hello," she said having looked at caller ID and didn't answer with her customary 'Havers'.

"How did it go?" he asked sitting down on his sofa.

"Alright I guess," she sounded like she would have shrugged then.

"You sound breathless," he commented and she could picture him frowning.

"I ran to pick up," she replied and paused. "I'm seeing him again next week but he thinks I'll be fine."

"That's good," Tommy said genuinely.

"Yes," she paused again before saying; "We talked about you."

"Me?"

"Yes, he wanted to know how we were as a team and basically everything about me," Barbara said with a sigh. "But it was mainly about my dreams and everything."

"What did you say…about me?"

"Things, I can't discuss it."

"I see. What are you doing tonight?"

"Well I thought I might catch up with my reading and TV, why?"

"Ah," he cleared his throat. "Thought you might like to get something to eat?"

She was silent and he had to ask if she was still there. Her reply came quietly so he strained to hear.

"With me?"

"I am asking you aren't I?" he said glad that she couldn't see his eyes roll.

"Um okay, sure," she said sounding completely puzzled.

"Okay well, shall I come and pick you up?"

"Where are we going?" she bit her lip hoping it wasn't anywhere posh as it made her uncomfortable.

"Don't worry just Chinese," he laughed at little almost as if he had read her thoughts.

"Sure, right see you in fifteen minutes?"

"Sure," he said then hung up leaving her with a little flutter of happiness in her stomach.

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A/N: Next chapter soon and please please review!


	13. Finding Myself

A/N: This chapter took may re-writes to get to this stage and apologises for the long drawn-out wait. Thank you to all the reviewers and those who are sticking by this fanfic. I know that it won't be many more chapters till the end. I think 2 more and then it will be complete. x

Chapter 12: Finding Myself

"_And I thought that I found myself today/and I thought that I had control._"

They had argued again over a silly little matter but it had really irked the both of them causing them to snap with one another. He had talked down to her and she had answered rudely back. They separated for the day, taking refuge away from each other to calm down before the day was out. It was the first time that they had argued in weeks and although it wasn't a nice feeling, it had meant that they weren't treading that fine line and were able to get back to how things were. That was half the charm of their partnership – the fact that they both were so opposite but still so similar.

He came to her when she was gathering her things to go home and asked if she was alright. Stubbornly she said she was fine in a crisp cool tone which normally would have made him turn around and just walk away. But today he stuck with her and asked her out for another meal. It was becoming a sort of routine now - them going out to the pub or a restaurant, spending time together without it being for work reasons.

"Is this a way of you apologising?" she asked redoing her hair into a ponytail looking at him straight in the eyes.

"In a way," he replied with smiled a little. "Will you accept it as an apology?"

"If you really mean it."

"Which I do Barbara," he sighed.

"Alright," she said slowly and with a hint of a smile. "But-"

"No where posh or fancy I know," he rolled his eyes a little and she scowled though still smiling.

The restaurant they chose was ten minutes away by car and it had a carefree atmosphere that Barbara liked. It still surprised Barbara how easily they could converse with one another, the odd awkward silence was rarely happening at such high frequency. The food was good and not heavily over priced which suited her well.

"We should remember to come here again," he murmured and she blinked, surprised with the 'we' but she didn't comment. She assumed it didn't mean anything and carried on. He ended up paying for the meal despite her protests but he told her that next time in the pub she could pay. Grudgingly accepting they walked out and came to his car. He asked if she wanted to come back for a drink and with nothing else planned she accepted climbing into the front seat.

"You alright? You have been awfully quiet?" he asked with a fond glance.

"Uh, it's nothing," she said obviously lying.

"Okay," he replied shortly.

"Well, you know when we went to that Chinese and you saw that friend of yours? What did you mean by calling me a 'special' friend?" she asked quickly.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No…?"

He sighed heavily pulling up into an empty parking space. "You are a close friend to me, special I guess."

"Oh."

He noticed that she sounded a little put out. "Is that alright?"

"Yes, fine," she faked a smile and got out after he did. She followed him up to his apartment and took off her coat once inside the door. He left her to get comfortable as he got a bottle of wine. It had been a while since she was last here for something other than work. When he handed her the glass she took a small sip first then a bigger one afterwards. She looked around and saw then above the fireplace the photo of Helen had been taken down. Actually, now that she was looking, there was only one single photo of her and that was barely visible from where she was seated.

"You have taken the photos down," she stated after a few minutes and he looked surprised then his expression turned serious.

"I, it was hard to move on with them constantly reminding you what you have lost," he said lowly settling back next to her.

"You must really miss her," she said softly and he looked at her with haunted eyes.

"Not as much as I did," he swallowed. "I used to constantly think of Helen but now… I still do but the pain… it's not always there. But I feel as if I'm betraying her."

She cocked her head to the left slowly. "Helen would want you to move on and yes it does feel like a betrayal but you can't always think of them. As harsh as it sounds, life and people move on. I know too well," she added with an after thought.

"Wise words," he attempted to smile but it fell flat. His hand sought hers and although it made her inwardly squirm she let him take hold. He needed comfort and so, like the good friend she was, she would give it, she thought. He absentmindedly stared down and his thumb started to stroke over her knuckles softly.

"I don't know what to do," he murmured in the silence.

"About?"

He caught her eye. "You."

Her expression voiced her answer clearly, eyes wide and stunned mixed with curiosity. He took a deep breath before beginning.

"This is probably the most inappropriate time to say this, to even think it, but I guess it's now or never," he paused. "You don't recall anything I said to you when you were in your coma-like state do you?"

"No," she said slowly and swallowed.

"Seeing you like that made me realise so much, things that I should have seen before. I thought that I knew what I wanted but in the end I was wrong. You somehow mean so much more to me that you or even I even thought."

She tried to digest that before he spoke again, her mind was being slow and none of it making sense.

"W-what?"

"You are, for a reason, all I want. At first I thought that I was just feeling something because I had lost Helen but it's only intensified and I know that it's been there all along," he gazed at her. "Tell me you can't feel anything?"

Her throat was thick, her lungs getting hardly any oxygen to function properly. Was she hallucinating? Was this some sort of dream or sordid joke?

"I don't know," she stammered. "What? You…love me?"

He considered that. He hadn't said he loved her but it was true, he did which surprised him.

"I think I have for a while," he spoke honestly. "I know that I want to be with more than what we are now. I know that if I lost you I don't know what I would do and I know that you are the only person who, strangely enough, is able to understand me and doesn't expect me to be anything but myself."

"But I'm so wrong for you," she spluttered trying to move away. "You are, well, you and just look at me!"

He shook his head, "That won't work Barbara; I've known you for too long." He held on hard to her hand not letting her flee and he could see the mixed emotions in her eyes, the fear and desire to stay.

"I want and need you," he said in a hushed voice. Her eyes closed and she he took in a deep breath and still didn't open her eyes. It was only when she felt his hand come up and stroke over he cheek softly that she looked at him and sat still as he drew closer. She knew he was giving her enough time to baulk and run but she didn't. Her legs wouldn't work for one and she felt unable to deny what she desperately wanted.

She didn't react when his lips first met hers, she held herself so still but with his gentle persistence she very hesitantly kissed him back. It had been a very long time since she had been last kissed and gradually she relaxed, trusting him. He drew back and she breathed slowly filling her lungs again. Tommy studied her face closely, trying to detect if she was uncomfortable with the situation but only saw a ghostly smile and he smiled back.

"It has been a long time since someone kissed me," she whispered fingers playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Barbara if you're not…comfortable…"

She looked him in the eye, "It will take some getting used to but," she took a breath, "I…want this."

This time she leaned into the kiss and allowed herself to open up to him tentatively. God he had thought about this for so long and now it was possibly better than he imagined. His mind reeled and he remembered to go slow, not to push and in doing so making her uncomfortable.

When she sat back her eyes were wide, cheeks flushed and her breathing unsteady. He was no better and they just looked at each other, he could tell that she was trying to think of what to do.

"I should go," she smiled a little and managed to get up easily without wobbling as she feared. He followed her, understanding and as she collected her coat he went and called her a taxi, she wouldn't let him drive as he had been drinking, he knew that.

"Thanks," she murmured when he came back to her side. They stood by his door and she met his gaze steadily even if her cheeks blushed again.

"It will be here in a minute," he brushed past her to open the door slowly.

She waited hesitantly before he leaned over to kiss her cheek softly. She smiled a tiny bit and then walked out feeling that her heart would burst out of her chest and her head spun.

"Barbara," he called out and she halted turning back. "Goodnight."

"Night…" she ducked her head and hurried down and out into the cool night's air. As she climbed into the taxi which had pulled put she didn't bother to think about how this situation she had put herself into was going to work out. For tonight she was going to bask in the sense of pleasure and giddiness those kisses had brought her and the realisation that he did care.

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**A/N:** please please click the review button xD


	14. Around Me

**A/N: **Thank you to the reviewers and fans who have really encouraged me to finish this!

Well this is it guys nearly the end. The next chapter is the epilogue and so the end of this fanfic.

**Notes about the chapter: **

Last proper chapter and contains a mature teenage/adult sexual concepts. If you do not like reading such themes or are underaged please don't! I am giving you this as a warning. But this isn't too graphic - a little vague in parts.

I hope you all like this chapter!

x

* * *

Chapter 13: Around Me

"_My hands float up above me and you whisper you love me/I can feel you all around me"_

She was trying to protest but he just kissed her and she forgot for a moment what she was saying. He had the effect on her, especially when he kissed her like he was. She indulged in it, she couldn't fight it, but she was determined to resume the conversation even if he didn't want to.

"Sir…"

He raised his eyebrows and she gritted her teeth, cheeks flushing.

"Tommy…" she said slowly and he smiled.

"What?"

"We have to get up early tomorrow…" she started mildly distracted as he placed kisses down her neck.

"And your point?"

"Well shouldn't we, um stop, and sleep?" she added lamely and he laughed sitting up from where he was leaning over her.

"Barbara _sleep_ is the last thing on my mind," he grinned causing her to flush again. Oh he really knew how to embarrass her!

"Yeah, well," she didn't continue as he kissed her lips swiftly. She knew that it was about time that she took the next step in the relationship they were forming and hell she really wanted to. Her fear of not being good enough sexually for him made her hesitate in letting him spend the night. He wasn't pushing her but he couldn't see why she was so tentative when it was obvious that she wanted to.

"Barbara, tell me what's wrong?" he asked suddenly serious and she avoided his eyes.

"I just don't think that…" she was mumbling and suddenly wished that she hadn't started this conversation. "I don't want to…disappoint."

She cringed whilst he just looked at her then he laughed which aggravated her. He kissed her again with a chuckle as she glared at him.

"Barbara I don't think you can disappoint me."

"You say that now," she muttered darkly and he shook his head.

"No I don't believe that," he frowned. "Barbara I don't think anyone can be _disappointing_ if they have that passion and want to be with the other person. I certainly am not holding any expectations because I know when ever it happens; it will be how it is meant to be."

"And how is that?" she asked as he lowered himself back over her fingers smoothing over her stomach on top of her t-shirt then going under.

Tommy grinned, "Breathtaking."

She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him and with her emphasis he got the message. She was saying yes and his heart thudded in his chest. He vowed silently that he would do whatever it took to make it an amazing experience, not just for her but for the both of them. They moved into her bedroom, it would be better there, he told her between kisses and she just nodded. She wanted to enter that erotic haven she had been in many times over the weeks. Where her body would melt and mould around his sturdier form and her head would spin as if she was drunk only it felt a million times better.

Normally so shy and self-conscious of her body it didn't matter at all when her naked skin brushed with his and his face looked captivated as he gazed at her. She felt desirable for the first time in her life and her throat became thick with emotion. Tommy's kisses on her were soft and hard, sweet and passionate, filled with delights that had her sighing and moaning. When it came to him sliding inside of her, her body shuddered and her back arched. She dug her fingers into his shoulders and wrapped her legs around his hips. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before and the more they got to that high release the more her heart pounded in her chest, her cries became louder and he kissed her fiercely as they soared in to euphoria.

He traced lazy circles over her arm and shoulder whilst she nestled closer to him pulling up the covers. _So this was bliss_, she thought sleepily and smiled slowly. He had been right of course, it had been breathless and an amazing surprise for her. He kissed the top of her head before closing his eyes. Barbara stayed awake for a little longer, mulling over them until she too drifted asleep a smile still flirting on her lips.

###

Winston looked between them closely. Something was…different he could tell but couldn't quite figure it out.

"Are you quite done looking at us like that Winston?" Tommy asked raising one eyebrow at the man.

"Yes sir," Winston replied but Tommy didn't buy it. Winston had sharp eyes and it was easy for the man to figure something out… no Winston was a man to be trusted. If he figured anything out he would keep it to himself, Tommy knew that and so didn't feel threatened when he caught Winston peering at Barbara who had just sat down.

"Morning Winston," Barbara said cheerfully tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You're very cheery," Winston commented with a raised brow of his own.

Her smile didn't fade from her lips as she said, "Yes I know."

Winston shook his head and passed her some files and work rolled on leaving no time for day-dreaming or anything else but concentration. It didn't stop them, however, from looking at each other occasionally and sharing smiles.

When she did have a private moment to herself, in her head she replayed last night and her heart skipped a beat when she recalled him whispering that he loved her over and over. It made her want to laugh with joy and it had been soothing to wake up with him around her so completely. It had never really appealed to her to share a bed with another, sharing the covers and the fear of not having enough space but with him it made her feel comforted and loved. It was something that she could definitely get used to as well as having him around the house more.

She hadn't yet told him in words out loud that she loved him but he knew that she did. He trusted that she would say that when she was ready, just with everything else he didn't press her but waited calmly for her to make her own decision. She was grateful for this and he also assured her that when she was more comfortable in their relationship to let people know. Although she did want to yell at anyone who would listen that she was with Thomas Lynley, sensibility made her keep quiet for the time being.

She stayed around his that night and the night after that. She had her own toothbrush there and spare clothes along with other things and in her house he too had made a claim on her bathroom and closet. She smiled when she saw his shirt hanging there and for the first time felt something very close to complete contentment.

However long it had taken for them to reach this state, it had been worth the wait.

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A/N: please please please review! xxx


	15. Epilogue

Epilogue: Right Here (reprise)

"_I've made a commitment/I'm willing to bleed for you/I needed fulfilment/I found what I need in you"_

**6 months later**

Barbara hastily locked the front door and half ran down to the car where Tommy was waiting. She clambered into the front seat and he grinned and passed her a coffee and some pastry thing which was her breakfast.

"All set?"

"Yes, let's go before we hit traffic. It takes around three hours to get there," she told him after taking a sip out of the polystyrene cup. Tommy grinned and carefully pulled out of his parking space whilst she flicked through the radio settling on a channel. She leaned back into her seat and looked out of the window watching the buildings and houses over the hours morph into farms and small cottages as they drove out away from the city.

"You did call to say we were coming right?" she asked suddenly half way through their journey and he rolled his eyes.

"Yes Barbara, I didn't know you worried so much," Tommy laughed switching gears.

"Humph I was only checking."

He shook his head and sighed as soon a familiar landscape came into sight. They had calculated the time well and so were to arrive around eleven thirty which was perfect as they would have the rest of the day to settle. This trip had been rather spontaneously arranged quickly by his mother who had been urging him to come sooner.

When he pulled up in the drive his mother was coming out to greet them and he was enfolded in a tight hug before being released quickly. He raised an eyebrow as his mother hugged Barbara for longer and, a little awkward, Barbara patted the older woman's back.

"Welcome the both of you," his mother beamed and Tommy graciously thanked her. "Oh it's nothing at all. I'm so happy that you are both here."

Tommy went to the boot and started up unload their suitcases and someone came up to help them. Barbara went to help but his mother stirred her into the house and she had no choice but to cast him a helpless look.

"I am so glad you are here."

"Well, I'm glad to be here," Barbara smiled and noticed that Lady Asherton was looking at her closely. Examining her was a better observation.

"You know I'm also glad that he is with you," at Barbara's confused expression she continued. "You do him good, so different and yet the same. I always thought something… I guess I was right."

Before Barbara was able to have a sensible reply Tommy came in and his mother directed him to his room, their room. Barbara flushed a little thinking that she would be sharing a bed with him whilst in his mother's home but since his mother didn't seem to mind Barbara shrugged that thought away.

"Barbara why don't you go and see if you like the room," his mother nudged her to follow her son and then retreated into the dining room behind.

"Wow that was…different," Barbara breathed when she was next to him and he flicked her an amused glance.

"How?"

She just shrugged her shoulders and he smiled understandingly. "You know she loves you – thinks you are charming. Remember how delighted she was when I told her than you and I are together?"

Barbara grinned and looked around the room then wandered to the window and flung it open, the sun peeked though the clouds and she breathed in deeply.

"So like the room?"

"It's perfect."

He came and stood by her side looking out over the landscape and their hands touched and entwined. His finger felt the ring round her finger and brought it up so he could look at it.

She tilted her head and looked at him expectantly. "What?"

"I think tonight, once everyone is here, is a good time to announce to everyone our news."

She thought about it and eventually nodded. "They will only find out soon enough anyway."

He grinned and kissed her. "I dread to think what type of engagement party they will throw for us."

Barbara wound her arms up around his neck and shoulders, leaning in. "One really posh I should expect, with women in flowered hats and cucumber sandwiches."

"I thought you liked those?"

"I do," she giggled as he rolled his eyes and leaned up to kiss him. "You know… I love you."

"I know," he grinned.

"You do?" she frowned and he nodded.

"Mmhm," he kissed her again.

"How?"

"Instinct."

"Oh."

"Barbara?"

"Yes?"

"Be quite and kiss me," he murmured and she laughed and did exactly what she was told and kissed him for a very long time.

* * *

Finished.

**A/N:** I hope you all enjoyed this and thank you all reviewers - you kept urging me on! Now I will just be writing one shots on Lynley and Havers :)


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